Author Archives: braindeadly

I was meditating in a grassland with shrooms, and my mind kept persistently pushing me to extract value out of aesthetic patterns and forming shapes in an effort to seek existential balance in combination with whichever insights i had acquired in the past days. It felt a bit icky, and I soon realized that I was viewing these patterns with unease because of the premeditated subconscious labels I had attached to the symbolic appearance of them. My mind formed a smiley face. Tick. My mind formed a confused face. Cross. These labels had to go. It was obscuring everything.

After some minutes I noticed that I had my lense focused largely on aesthetics. It was making me weary and tiresome of my surroundings. So with this realization I managed to shift my focus to the functionality of the patterns I was visualizing, thinking and so on. It was just like a camera changing focus. I entered what seemed like a breezy meadow of consistent and elegant geometric patterns. I began thinking much more coherently without the stream of data from the aesthetical side of things. These aspects are beautiful, but they are not the only thing. Gotta look at the whole package.

Saying things put an imprint on my mind. Getting angry on twitter sent shockwaves through the reverberations of my mind. I couldn't see things clearly with this filter on my perception. The ignorance of the angry optician at specsavers triggered a chain reaction in me and stripped away all my layers of unnecessary bullshit. My focus turned into a lazer beam. Anger was coursing through me. I felt like a god. In the end I internalized the anger and channeled it in understanding the situation, as the man seemed a bit stressed and I intuitively felt it to be futile to reason with an old generations outdated beliefs and methodologies.

Streaming seemed to really confuse my psyche. Having all these signals from so many people, while having my focus on the thrill of it, lead to having a huge influx of information to process soon after dissolving the socially conditioned values that I adopted whilst doing so, and gradually transcending towards my true nature. So now what it comes down to is finding out what makes me tic. Then understanding it. Then with my fundamental fears of the unknown established, I can use my mind as the pattern spotting terminator I was born to be.

So then I come to cryptocurrency. With the rise of Bitcoin it has done quite a bit more than just being a drop in the ocean. Ethereum has risen and is predicted to keep going up and up, according to experts. But what really seems intriguing to me is Golem coin and the software that will soon accompany it.

This sparked the idea of a cryptocurrency that also has fortune-cookie-like messages that gives users empowering feedback about what they really are. Perhaps it may require padding, with the main focus relating to their core value, but with their true compass gently being revealed. This could be a solid bridge from one ideology to another. If you look at cultures such as Thailand and India, one of the main beliefs denoted to a religion called Buddhism, is the notion of there not being a self. That you are an ever changing entity capable of everything. The culture there is profoundly different, and that is probably a key reason why. It is slowly becoming more westernized, though. Cultures such as London are good at making their ideology seem very attractive. Their sense of certainty is kept well topped up. Local people in these eastern countries just seem less greedy, amongst other things. That's what I'm saying. We need technologies that unify everyone.

Our constant need for a feed in the information age requires a fluidly intertwined stream of well calibrated and deduced bite size pockets of understandings relating to what we really are. With the drive to be organized within reality, whilst always seeking to solve problems and overcoming bumps along the road.

Most people love money! That's something we can agree on with outstanding confidence! Perhaps cryptographic technology combined with insights about our true nature can gently leave subconscious imprints on our minds, transforming the social structures, and slowly, without resistance, turning every nook and cranny of the world (including the mind of every inhabitant) into a lush paradise. Always striving for greatness as a unified species, and never trading curiosity for complacency.


Today I figured out the core reason why there is often a communication barrier in a vast amount of social situations. I realized that this is because people subconsciously and consciously block out information and stimuli from people and the environment in order to keep their identity and sense of self intact; To keep the story that they believe alive. You could also call this their shield. Their ego. This seems to be a major ingredient that divides communities and creates conflict. Believing in a collection of stories with little motivation to search for a logical answer leads to complacency and the attachment of an image that you perceive as yourself. There is no self. You are an ever changing entity. I believe this is the main reason why the world is not anywhere near as connected as it can be.

Society and culture has conditioned us to value empty concepts above learning.

Here is my mantra:

Value learning above everything
Value learning above everything
Value learning above everything
Value learning above everything
Value learning above everything
Value learning above everything
Value learning above everything
Value learning above everything
Value learning above everything
Value learning above everything
Value learning above everything
Value learning above everything

Each action and the tone in which it is executed creates waves that encourage a certain type of behaviour. It feeds into and alters the ocean that is the global consciousness.

Do your actions encourage and iterate a present mindset or one denoted to the past and/or future?

You can learn a lot about an environment and the people in it by how your resonance and coping strategies fluctuate depending on where you are and who you are around. The stories that you believe associated with your surroundings and yourself determine your vibrational state. Either way, these mechanisms influence how open you may be to learning new things.

Whilst under the effects of hallucinogens, it is much easier to notice the reality you are creating and encouraging. Every action and the style in which you do it creates intricate iterations and gentle folds into your reality. This creates the direction in which you build momentum. I often find that people who dance or have some kind of abstract creative outlet come across much more flexible and open to new ideas. I also see this in commercials and music videos - It's so enticing. In some ways, the kaleidoscope of their mind is bursting.

Hallucinogens have influenced many scientific discoveries and breakthroughs. And lots of technology.

Much of the technologies and creations that you have the delight of experiencing today come from the worlds creative headquarters: Silicon Valley, California. According to Tim Ferris, every billionaire he knows, almost without exception, uses hallucinogens on a regular basis; this is to have an edge over their competition. Microdosing (as well as larger dosing) has been utilized for decades there, but it is only recently that it has risen again to be known more as a creative thinking tool rather than simply a recreational drug. Notably, Steve Jobs (co founder of Apple) described LSD as being one of the most important things in his life. This may explain the "Zen" style of technology that he created, thus ushering in enormous ripples of innovation within the world.

Hallucinogens are such an ineffably powerful tool due to many reasons, but one of the most important lies within the feature of disrupting the default mode network. In our lives, it is very easy to get caught up in past and future thinking, and if this habit is kept up for a prolonged period of time it can almost feel like we are sinking into quick sand. With the ability to dissolve attachments by infusing meditation with this tool, combined with the simple act of relaxing and letting go, we tap into the core fabric of the universe and become super intelligent with boundless pattern recognition and precise emotional acuity.

This also incurs a ripple effect throughout your feedback loop within your brain as the iterations you made whilst under the effect of the hallucinogen carries on, as you retain the knowledge you acquired while in that state. It seems hard to ignore the perspective witnessed while under these effects and further motivates the user to seek global balance if exposed to sufficient insights.

Actual Scientific research on the safety and validity of hallucinogenic substances is limited, largely due to it being illegal. One good aspect to know is that psilocybin is 100x less neurotoxic than coffee. Additionally, from an anecdotal point of view, it is perceived with high positive regard, and from my experience I can say that it seems highly safe if the set and setting is carefully considered. I would recommend to be in Nature with minimal disturbances. Nature & Hallucinogens promote the deactivation of your ego and identity, and stimulates creativity. Combining this with mediation, logical insights and reflection results in the recipe for potentially massive ripples of positive change.

It is possible to fall off track though. I've also had experiences on hallucinogens where I have given up on learning. On exotic occasions I have gravitated towards reading about conspiracy theories of Donald Trump owning a time machine, and then proceeded to experience what seemed like me shooting up in a rocket to space. With the subtle abrasive tones of grains of sand and tiny rocks hitting my vehicle, sounding and feeling so realistic that you would think it's real. That rabbit hole came to an abrupt ending though.

Admittedly, I initially used hallucinogens as a recreational drug when I was in love. Because I had so many layers and felt secure around my friend, my identity stayed intact and I barely scraped the surface. Moreover, it was not until I experienced "identity/ego death" on a cold winters night, in a place where I felt a little bit unsafe, that I began to notice the infinite possibilities of life and humanity as a whole.

I listened to this in nature, with some psilocybin mushrooms. The impression at the time of the audio ending was of a beautiful yet heart breaking roller coaster. When it came to the part about waves and vibrations, my perception burst into a colorful kaleidoscope of geometric patterns. A sense of liberation filled me. I felt like a flower blooming. I felt a deeper connection to everything and I was filled with an urge to visit less developed places in the world.

I think that the current situation with the world is of an ocean of consciousness, divided into nations. Divided. Divided. Then, these reality's seem to be reinforced with repetition, beliefs and control. Actions and thoughts. Stories about places and people that we believe. I feel that it comes down to trying to control the frame. At the foundation we are waves and vibrations, an ever changing entity. What is there to control? Doing so is futile. I experience fluidity and a certain type of peaceful resonance from many people in Africa, and perhaps people that live in the countryside. Often people with horses that spend most of their time in nature.

Nature is balance. I think that we create our reality with our thoughts and actions. All of the things that we believe or are actively trying to control spill out towards every tiny expression in our lives. Our handwriting. Our relationship with food. By understanding our fears and allowing every premeditation and need for control to fade away we experience an exquisite state of flow that ushers other people in like a magnet.

I get the feeling with the culture that I live in, despite it slowly becoming fragmented with people's ability to access answers on the internet, that the iterations and hurdles in which people swerve in and out of to create balance in their perceived reality are so well guarded that it requires a specific angle for each person. I believe that insights, such as from this video, are a vital ingredient. The question is to what extent are people open to riding new waves? Perhaps the answer to that is Meditation, Nature, Psychedelics, Reflection, Mindfulness.


Hand writing says a lot about people. Just like any other action, the way you do it constitutes the reverberations in your feedback loop, deciphering which goggles you'll be wearing at that moment. I remember experiencing the deepest inner workings of my mind when I accidentally stumbled upon "ego death". But today, I was in a rush for some reason. I remembered the hand writing of a friend. He had really fluid writing. So I tried this, while I was writing labels. Instead of a rushed, rigid tone I switched to a more elegant, suggestive flair. My flow positively flipped in an instant.

This is good to know, because I realised after listening to a guy called Rsdtyler that it is easily possible to become addicted to a certain vibrational state and subconsciously resist changes. Actively controlling and losing your flow. I think this is the result of believing stories in order to transform the environment that seemingly benefits you into a pleasant and optimal one. A deceptively consistent one. Even though it can be genuinely good just by being realistic. It felt like playing tetris with my thoughts and creating an identity in order to achieve complacency.

I came to this realisation after taking a moderate dose of 4-AcO-DMT. This is the "smart" version of magic mushrooms, mixed into convenient chocolate hearts. I really do not like the taste of actual mushrooms. Importantly I took this in nature to stimulate ego dissolution. There are not many guided meditations I will listen to, however this hypnosis is one that I regularly do listen to. Anything that will dissolve my ego and remove my goggles. I always find that I end up embodying and absorbing the vibe of whoevers guided meditation I listen to (especially whilst on psychedelics) so I'm very particular with what I am willing to expose myself to.

I had not meditated or taken any downtime in over a week and my mind was foggy. So I went into this with the general idea of "don't resist anything and just go with it", and that hypnosis happened to be a excellent way to break through the barriers and not resist. Whichever stories and ideas I happened to believe in the last week were pleasantly thrown away. On another note, I remembered mentioning to someone that DMT is like your past and future collapsing on your present, and then entering a video game with ineffable graphics and audio. I then applied this to the trip and viewed everything as a video game. I really did feel like a snake shedding skin. I felt as light as a feather. Afterwards, I was watching this fly on a flower which had a fluffy butt. Him and all the other bugs around me were reminding me of my cat. Everything felt so familiar and fresh.

Everything you absorb on a daily basis forms the goggles you wear and the things you create. People, music, movies. This will eventually manifest itself physically into your reality if you keep at it. Be careful which vibrations you embrace and expose yourself to. Some people have very convincing stories! Be mindful!

These tools infused with insight, reflection & mindfulness can potentially revolutionise the world and the way people think. Despite this being a rather soft hallucinogen compared to DMT, with DMT it happens so fast that holding onto any premeditated template of how something is has to be left behind, putting you in an infinitely fluid state and acquiring an excellent perspective.

More about:
Feedback loops and vibrations:
Microdosing psychedelics:
Help fund the first ever LSD study for cognitive function:


You know me. The prick who calls out fake streamers for the hell of it. I just wanna say though, that i understand those people more now. I understand that the fakeness is just a fear sandwich, and I can smell it and taste it. Did this raise your stress levels?

The thing is, people connect with authenticity. What I've learnt from hallucinogens is that coping mechanisms are in place for a reason. They are barriers that numb our fear of the unknown. Mechanisms that have gently folded into our reality over a period of time. Quietly altering our melody of life.

Even being selfish is a coping mechanism, as bleak as that may sound. I guess it is a way to avoid intimacy and honesty. You know, the kind of people that worship The Wolf of Wall Street. They're charming, but there's no real substance as they are too busy thinking about their next hustle.

I bring to you as no surprise, that we can unravel these glitchy mazes firmly woven into our subconscious known as coping mechanisms. For they were a construction in the first place, and sometimes they really dampen our true nature. These mechanisms filter out the environment and we become more and more insensitive to injustices in our environment as time goes on. Couple that with some negative beliefs to keep these mechanisms afloat, and there you have the perfect ingredients to become a well behaved drone.

To deconstruct these illusions: at the very least It requires understanding, consideration and assertiveness. Therapy and/or hallucinogens is a short cut. Dive into all fears and see what's lurking down there. Re-own everything and let go of all resistance.



As a kid I never felt stuck. I rarely felt barriers such as fear, because I always followed my intuition. When I was 7, I even sawed through a wardrobe with a butter knife to get my confiscated Nintendo 64 back. However, as I got older and more pieces of the game we call life came into play, the trust i had in my gut feeling began to fade away. When I started creating youtube videos, whilst really pouring in my heart and soul, it felt amazing. I had everything I wanted on lock down - money, security, friends. No one telling me what to do. When growing up, I realized that my sweet spot was in gaming. It was fun, and I loved the feeling that I was better than everyone. It made me popular, and I had something that people couldn't buy with money. I felt like a king. But as time went on I became more emotionally involved in youtube and streaming. I started to pour trust into the opinions of others as my well being seemed to rely on them liking my stuff. A sensation of fear began to linger, creeping up on me, but at the same time I enjoyed all the things I could do from the cheddar I made. That gamble was a tricky one. Things started to become grey, colors washed away. Little did I know that people vibed way more with the real me whom didn't lose sleep over the opinions of sheep.

I get off on being around people where everything flows with ease, and those friends were influential because I felt that I could be even more myself around them. Those people became extremely important to me. We truly connected. They would become my refuge. Not too long ago, every time I felt ready to change something in my life, I would first jump to reignite old friendships, or potential partners. It was simply easier to go back to old relationships than building new ones. I learnt that I did this in order to create an environment where I felt a deep level of trust and love so that I could feel comfortable enough to be myself, and therefore fully express and create. In all honesty though, this should come from me. Because then it'll cascade.

Understanding each other and how things work helps us overcome obstacles more easily. This allows us to accept and embrace the subtle quirks in people and new concepts. Just like how we appreciate the differences in cats and dogs. I resonate the most with people who emit a vibe of understanding, consideration and respect, but at the same time showing a flexible character and not taking dumb things too serious.

Our mind is the control center. Emotions underpin everything so it's vital to not kick them to the curb. Doing so dampens our mind. They are the energy in motion. They are a message. Some people are even born with greater emotional skills. It's a survival thing. To alert us of danger. To solve problems. Luckily though, you can train emotional awareness like a muscle. Such as observing how things around you effect your vibe, without judging or labeling. And then taking appropriate action. Everyone can develop any ability, and take on any form. It is just the notion of believing that you cannot which enables your mind to dig its heels.

Everything is connected. Love ripples. So does fear. All through vibrations. Some people are more in tune with this than others. Much like a Gazelle alerting the herd that a predator is close by. The cues in the environment that cause us to feel these spiky sensations are there to be explored, as it is after we     dispel     all     fear     that we then further unlock our vast potential and spread it onto others. When WE feel friction from our surroundings, or when playing a game that requires teamwork, that is the cue for us to embrace all perspectives and understand instead of scuttling away.

Basically, "don't be a little bitch" - Mak 2017 😍

for those interested:

mathematical consistent patterns
that's what we are beyond our structures and attachments
the highest purpose is to create consistency, starting with yourself
the entire universe is constantly yearning for this balance

become emotionally attached to reality instead of carving a road around it
love creating consistency in this
surrender and merge with it


Every animal has a purpose and role
Like bees that pollinate plants
without bees we may not exist

it's all part of a huge energetic system that expresses through these beautiful consistent patterns

just like how gravity is a pattern
gravity is a part of reality as are bees and trees

When you become honest with yourself
Reality is not defined by nations

Or paper

Identity is a structure that many people build to seek balance
but it puts you in a box and inhibits you

Comfort and approval is another structure many people merge with, but it makes you frustrated when you felt too insecure to speak your mind, or not doing that thing you wanted to do because you worried about what people would think of you

When you put great value on these concepts and make them attractive, they ignite and become the goal
society told you that these goals make you happy but it is a scam
You're always craving for more of it, but you are never truly satisfied

you can't argue with reality

somewhere along the way you gave up on reality and settled for an illusion

But as a kid you don't care about these things, you only care about learning and doing what you believe is right

Braarudosphaera bigelowii

I decided to experiment with a hallucinogen by the name of LSD, which although I had taken it in the past, I had never taken it in a setting where I am not accompanied by a friend. I decided to drop a small dose of ~200 micrograms at 5 o'clock in the evening and the high started off as I had expected; my sense of identity and conditioned thoughts were rapidly tearing away and I was starting to feel a sense of creative fluidity which I normally only experience in an optimal environment.

Shortly after it kicked in, all my senses started becoming overloaded by different frequencies, from passing cars on the road outside my window to the noise of other people in my house. Immediately, I was consumed by an overwhelming concoction of intense terror, panic and anxiety - it honestly felt like i was going to die. I began pacing up and down my room and started trying to figure out why I was experiencing these feelings. I started off by stumbling outside and seeing if I felt better in the fresh air, however this made me feel even less secure and it was almost like my mind would not stop these feelings unless I resolved the core problem of why I manifested it. I went back to my room and tried playing a game to take my mind off of it, but that didn't work, it wasn't a strong enough distraction.

For what seemed like hours, I was scrambling on and off my bed talking to myself in the attempt to calm myself down. I then turned off all electricity in the room and anything that wouldn't normally exist in a totally natural setting. If there was one positive feeling I had at the time, it was that my problem solving skills seemed to have shot up; the hallucinogen highlighted aggressively what was causing me to experience frustration in my environment at the time - I was now aware of everything that had an adverse affect on my minds natural state. Even closing a door in an abrupt way or making an abrasive sound would exacerbate my mental state and make it worse. Everything had to be in perfect balance.

Eventually, I managed to slowly shift into a more calm state of mind by repeatedly saying to myself that "everything is nice", in the kindest and most pleasant tone possible. Alongside that, I stopped resisting and pushing away the negative emotions, thus allowing them to simply pass through me, kind of like meditation. As the effect of the stimulant progressed, I was completely losing my sense of identity and normal day-to-day perception and I could no longer even feel the sensation between my skin and the duvet covers. It felt like I had melted into my surroundings - which was my thoughts at the time. My vision was fragmenting into a sort of pixelated view and, strangely, I began hallucinating and perceiving myself as some kind of never-ending pattern, like the image below. Any word I mutter would vibrate through my mind as if I was inside a highly sophisticated echoey hall with precise reverberations. This says a lot.


As it got to about 11pm, everyone in the house was asleep, there were less cars going by and the energy just felt calmer, I felt any remaining negative emotions fade away. I went to the bathroom and as I stood over the toilet I saw my shadow, and my mind starting mapping out and re-creating my identity. I started picturing myself as a cartoon character. Now that I was in this somewhat perfect mood, I began staring at myself in the mirror and ideas began pouring in my mind. I started pulling weird faces and playing with my hair and created different perspectives with the use of shadows and a torch, and any tiny nuance I had created in the mirror would look amazing to me, as if I had never seen it before.


This was surely one of the most mind opening experiences in my life, and I would not have been able to realize the powerful and positive effect that having your environment in perfect balance gives you without the trip starting off as a terrifying one, as, after all, while on LSD it seems like you are a piece of mouldable clay and you literally blend into your environment and surroundings effortlessly... unless you are distracted by a television or whatever. However If you attempt to resist this or do not let all feelings flow through you, you then experience fear based emotions. You are placed into a duality between how you view things in a sober state and how you view things under LSD, which forces you into a harmonious state free of delusions as the truth is too dominant in this state of mind. It unpacks difficult emotions whether you like it or not.

We trick our minds on a day to day basis with the process of cognitive dissonance (this is how many people mentally cope), to rationalize contradictions or things that are simply ethically or morally wrong in the mind in order to experience a pleasant mental state, however while you are under the effects of LSD, these delusional rationalizations disappear and the true reality of your thoughts and environment manifest, which may have been why people like Steve Jobs claimed that it was one of the most important things they had ever done. It allows you to view things in a totally different perspective.


It breaks you from the normal rigid way of thinking and allows you to see things for what they are. Of course it is possible to break from a conventional way of thinking without hallucinogens, but in this busy world it may be difficult when everyone is constantly distracted by something, whether it's social media, tv or their phone; it's almost like many people just cannot bear to face reality so they need something to constantly sedate and cocoon themselves with.

My conclusion is that, in order to reach this level of psyche and creative fluidity/problem solving in a default state of mind, you have to work towards building an environment that resonates with you at the absolute most natural level. Your environment includes the people you live with, what you eat, and the things around you that effect your thoughts and mood; essentially anything that you feed your mind on a daily basis needs to actually serve you and the bigger picture.


In the past you may have noticed that I made rather controversial videos such as "Swifty and Athene get owned", "The one shave macro" and various impersonations and generally passive-aggressive digs at other youtubers. I love stirring up controversy about petty things, however I would never do it about serious tragedy s.

I personally have nothing against other youtubers, big or small, however what I do not like is their fan boys.

I'm glad that some people unsubscribe when I make digs at other content creators because this purges out the rather stupid people with no sense of humor or rationality. No one is nice ALL the time or ALWAYS happy, you only see one side of some youtubers which could be percieved as "fake" however constant giveaways keep those little rug-rats around. OK we get it, Positivity is contagious (but negativity even more so) and you want videos to always be happy but don't you get to the point where it isn't even satisfying anymore to churn out the same passive, plain content?

The point I'm trying to make is that you can't truly be yourself in media unless you have NOTHING to lose.

For example you may be seeking validation or want to feel accepted for whatever reason. Maybe you live in a shitty country and YouTube/Streaming is your only option? Maybe you just don't like getting up at 7am everyday? Maybe validation from others makes you more secure? Maybe you want to get laid?

However, one of the drives that many of these commercial youtubers have is fear. Youtubers are CONSTANTLY worried about losing face. They are worried that people will hate them. But what's the point in showing an image that isn't a side of YOU? What's the point in being neutral and holding back? YouTube and media in general is a form of Art. You shouldn't compromise Art. It should be purely from you, and just because you'll lose one fan boy that is also subscribed to another YouTuber it doesn't matter. Overall this really doesn't matter a lot as some people seem to worry when they see subscribers drop over controversy or saying what you veritably believe.

People always ask me "what will you do when WoW dies or when you can't live off YouTube and streaming? you can't put that on your CV". My answer to that simply is: Who cares. I'm not interested in being a robot, getting a mortgage and dieing in a chair watching emmerdale. I'll take everyday as it comes. My philosophy in its simplest form is "do I genuinely enjoy what I'm doing; is it fun?". There's no point in looking so far into the future and caring so much about first world problems... I could be dead tomorrow. O.K. that sounds a bit like #YOLO but what I meant was that most people have a lot more than what they really need 😛 Consumerism...

Too many people are always worried about the financial side, however most people start off with the impulse to create. You don't want to fall into the trap of always thinking about whether or not you'll make enough cheddar to pay for bills. Money is temporary. The only real thing is people, who cares about the samsung galaxy s4? My current phone gets the job done just fine. The most satisfaction I can get is connecting with other people with mutual interets, and simply discovering new perspectives and learning new things that interest me.

What I'm trying to say is you won't get anywhere by copying other people, don't be fake, be yourself and don't force anything out - DON'T CATER TO RATS!