Bad LSD trip?

I decided to experiment with a hallucinogen by the name of LSD, which although I had takenĀ it in the past, I had never taken it in a setting where I am not accompanied by a friend. I decided to drop a small dose of ~200 micrograms at 5 o'clock in the evening and the high started off as I had expected; my sense of identity and conditioned thoughts were rapidly tearing away and I was starting to feel a sense of creative fluidity which I normally only experience in an optimal environment.

Shortly after it kicked in, all my senses started becoming overloaded by different frequencies, from passing cars on the road outside my window to the noise of other people in my house. Immediately, I was consumed by an overwhelming concoction of intense terror, panic and anxiety - it honestly felt like i was going to die. I began pacing up and down my room and started trying to figure out why I was experiencing these feelings. I started off by stumbling outside and seeing if I felt better in the fresh air, however this made me feel even less secure and it was almost like my mind would not stop these feelings unless I resolved the core problem of why I manifested it. I went back to my room and tried playing a game to take my mind off of it, but that didn't work, it wasn't a strong enough distraction.

For what seemed like hours, I was scrambling on and off my bed talking to myself in the attempt to calm myself down. I then turned off all electricity in the room and anything that wouldn't normally exist in a totally natural setting. If there was one positive feeling I had at the time, it was that my problem solving skills seemed to have shot up; the hallucinogen highlighted aggressively what was causing me to experience frustration in my environment at the time - I was now aware of everything that had an adverse affect on my minds natural state. Even closing a door in an abrupt way or making an abrasive sound would exacerbate my mental state and make it worse. Everything had to be in perfect balance.

Eventually, I managed to slowly shift into a more calm state of mind by repeatedly saying to myself that "everything is nice", in the kindest and most pleasant tone possible. Alongside that, I stopped resisting and pushing away the negative emotions, thus allowing them to simply pass through me, kind of like meditation. As the effect of the stimulant progressed, I was completely losing my sense of identity and normal day-to-day perception and I could no longer even feel the sensation between my skin and the duvet covers. It felt like I had melted into my surroundings - which was my thoughts at the time. My vision was fragmenting into a sort of pixelated view and, strangely, I began hallucinating and perceiving myself as some kind of never-ending pattern, like the image below. Any word I mutter would vibrate through my mind as if I was inside a highly sophisticated echoey hall with precise reverberations. This says a lot.

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As it got to about 11pm, everyone in the house was asleep, there were less cars going by and the energy just felt calmer, I felt any remaining negative emotions fade away. I went to the bathroom and as I stood over the toilet I saw my shadow, and my mind starting mapping out and re-creating my identity. I started picturing myself as a cartoon character. Now that I was in this somewhat perfect mood, I began staring at myself in the mirror and ideas began pouring in my mind. I started pulling weird faces and playing with my hair and created different perspectives with the use of shadows and a torch, and any tiny nuance I had created in the mirror would look amazing to me, as if I had never seen it before.

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This was surely one of the most mind opening experiences in my life, and I would not have been able to realize the powerful and positive effect that having your environment in perfect balance gives you without the trip starting off as a terrifying one, as, after all, while on LSD it seems like you are a piece of mouldable clay and you literally blend into your environment and surroundings effortlessly... unless you are distracted by a television or whatever. However If you attempt to resist this or do not let all feelings flow through you, you then experience fear based emotions. You are placed into a duality between how you view things in a sober state and how you view things under LSD, which forces you into a harmonious state free of delusions as the truth is too dominant in this state of mind. It unpacks difficult emotions whether you like it or not.

We trick our minds on a day to day basis with the process of cognitive dissonance (this is how many people mentally cope), to rationalize contradictions or things that are simply ethically or morally wrong in the mind in order to experience a pleasant mental state, however while you are under the effects of LSD, these delusional rationalizations disappear and the true reality of your thoughts and environment manifest, which may have been why people like Steve Jobs claimed that it was one of the most important things they had ever done. It allows you to view things in a totally different perspective.

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It breaks you from the normal rigid way of thinking and allows you to see things for what they are. Of course it is possible to break from a conventional way of thinking without hallucinogens, but in this busy world it may be difficult when everyone is constantly distracted by something, whether it's social media, tv or their phone; it's almost like many people just cannot bear to face reality so they need something to constantly sedate and cocoon themselves with.

My conclusion is that, in order to reach this level of psyche and creative fluidity/problem solving in a default state of mind, you have to work towards building an environment that resonates with you at the absolute most natural level. Your environment includes the people you live with, what you eat, and the things around you that effect your thoughts and mood; essentially anything that you feed your mind on a daily basis needs to actually serve you and the bigger picture.

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