mathematical consistent patterns
that's what we are beyond our structures and attachments
the highest purpose is to create consistency, starting with yourself
the entire universe is constantly yearning for this balance

become emotionally attached to reality instead of carving a road around it
love creating consistency in this
surrender and merge with it

Animals

Every animal has a purpose and role
Like bees that pollinate plants
without bees we may not exist

it's all part of a huge energetic system that expresses through these beautiful consistent patterns

just like how gravity is a pattern
gravity is a part of reality as are bees and trees

When you become honest with yourself
Reality is not defined by nations

Or paper

Identity is a structure that many people build to seek balance
but it puts you in a box and inhibits you

Comfort and approval is another structure many people merge with, but it makes you frustrated when you felt too insecure to speak your mind, or not doing that thing you wanted to do because you worried about what people would think of you

When you put great value on these concepts and make them attractive, they ignite and become the goal
society told you that these goals make you happy but it is a scam
You're always craving for more of it, but you are never truly satisfied

you can't argue with reality

somewhere along the way you gave up on reality and settled for an illusion

But as a kid you don't care about these things, you only care about learning and doing what you believe is right




Braarudosphaera bigelowii

I decided to experiment with a hallucinogen by the name of LSD, which although I had taken it in the past, I had never taken it in a setting where I am not accompanied by a friend. I decided to drop a small dose of ~200 micrograms at 5 o'clock in the evening and the high started off as I had expected; my sense of identity and conditioned thoughts were rapidly tearing away and I was starting to feel a sense of creative fluidity which I normally only experience in an optimal environment.

Shortly after it kicked in, all my senses started becoming overloaded by different frequencies, from passing cars on the road outside my window to the noise of other people in my house. Immediately, I was consumed by an overwhelming concoction of intense terror, panic and anxiety - it honestly felt like i was going to die. I began pacing up and down my room and started trying to figure out why I was experiencing these feelings. I started off by stumbling outside and seeing if I felt better in the fresh air, however this made me feel even less secure and it was almost like my mind would not stop these feelings unless I resolved the core problem of why I manifested it. I went back to my room and tried playing a game to take my mind off of it, but that didn't work, it wasn't a strong enough distraction.

For what seemed like hours, I was scrambling on and off my bed talking to myself in the attempt to calm myself down. I then turned off all electricity in the room and anything that wouldn't normally exist in a totally natural setting. If there was one positive feeling I had at the time, it was that my problem solving skills seemed to have shot up; the hallucinogen highlighted aggressively what was causing me to experience frustration in my environment at the time - I was now aware of everything that had an adverse affect on my minds natural state. Even closing a door in an abrupt way or making an abrasive sound would exacerbate my mental state and make it worse. Everything had to be in perfect balance.

Eventually, I managed to slowly shift into a more calm state of mind by repeatedly saying to myself that "everything is nice", in the kindest and most pleasant tone possible. Alongside that, I stopped resisting and pushing away the negative emotions, thus allowing them to simply pass through me, kind of like meditation. As the effect of the stimulant progressed, I was completely losing my sense of identity and normal day-to-day perception and I could no longer even feel the sensation between my skin and the duvet covers. It felt like I had melted into my surroundings - which was my thoughts at the time. My vision was fragmenting into a sort of pixelated view and, strangely, I began hallucinating and perceiving myself as some kind of never-ending pattern, like the image below. Any word I mutter would vibrate through my mind as if I was inside a highly sophisticated echoey hall with precise reverberations. This says a lot.

psychedelic-therapy

As it got to about 11pm, everyone in the house was asleep, there were less cars going by and the energy just felt calmer, I felt any remaining negative emotions fade away. I went to the bathroom and as I stood over the toilet I saw my shadow, and my mind starting mapping out and re-creating my identity. I started picturing myself as a cartoon character. Now that I was in this somewhat perfect mood, I began staring at myself in the mirror and ideas began pouring in my mind. I started pulling weird faces and playing with my hair and created different perspectives with the use of shadows and a torch, and any tiny nuance I had created in the mirror would look amazing to me, as if I had never seen it before.

cropped-cropped-3efa9c85451510d2024273a7fd0eff98.jpg

This was surely one of the most mind opening experiences in my life, and I would not have been able to realize the powerful and positive effect that having your environment in perfect balance gives you without the trip starting off as a terrifying one, as, after all, while on LSD it seems like you are a piece of mouldable clay and you literally blend into your environment and surroundings effortlessly... unless you are distracted by a television or whatever. However If you attempt to resist this or do not let all feelings flow through you, you then experience fear based emotions. You are placed into a duality between how you view things in a sober state and how you view things under LSD, which forces you into a harmonious state free of delusions as the truth is too dominant in this state of mind. It unpacks difficult emotions whether you like it or not.

We trick our minds on a day to day basis with the process of cognitive dissonance (this is how many people mentally cope), to rationalize contradictions or things that are simply ethically or morally wrong in the mind in order to experience a pleasant mental state, however while you are under the effects of LSD, these delusional rationalizations disappear and the true reality of your thoughts and environment manifest, which may have been why people like Steve Jobs claimed that it was one of the most important things they had ever done. It allows you to view things in a totally different perspective.

cognitive-dissonance

It breaks you from the normal rigid way of thinking and allows you to see things for what they are. Of course it is possible to break from a conventional way of thinking without hallucinogens, but in this busy world it may be difficult when everyone is constantly distracted by something, whether it's social media, tv or their phone; it's almost like many people just cannot bear to face reality so they need something to constantly sedate and cocoon themselves with.

My conclusion is that, in order to reach this level of psyche and creative fluidity/problem solving in a default state of mind, you have to work towards building an environment that resonates with you at the absolute most natural level. Your environment includes the people you live with, what you eat, and the things around you that effect your thoughts and mood; essentially anything that you feed your mind on a daily basis needs to actually serve you and the bigger picture.

5 Comments

In the past you may have noticed that I made rather controversial videos such as "Swifty and Athene get owned", "The one shave macro" and various impersonations and generally passive-aggressive digs at other youtubers. I love stirring up controversy about petty things, however I would never do it about serious tragedy s.

I personally have nothing against other youtubers, big or small, however what I do not like is their fan boys.

I'm glad that some people unsubscribe when I make digs at other content creators because this purges out the rather stupid people with no sense of humor or rationality. No one is nice ALL the time or ALWAYS happy, you only see one side of some youtubers which could be percieved as "fake" however constant giveaways keep those little rug-rats around. OK we get it, Positivity is contagious (but negativity even more so) and you want videos to always be happy but don't you get to the point where it isn't even satisfying anymore to churn out the same passive, plain content?

The point I'm trying to make is that you can't truly be yourself in media unless you have NOTHING to lose.

For example you may be seeking validation or want to feel accepted for whatever reason. Maybe you live in a shitty country and YouTube/Streaming is your only option? Maybe you just don't like getting up at 7am everyday? Maybe validation from others makes you more secure? Maybe you want to get laid?

However, one of the drives that many of these commercial youtubers have is fear. Youtubers are CONSTANTLY worried about losing face. They are worried that people will hate them. But what's the point in showing an image that isn't a side of YOU? What's the point in being neutral and holding back? YouTube and media in general is a form of Art. You shouldn't compromise Art. It should be purely from you, and just because you'll lose one fan boy that is also subscribed to another YouTuber it doesn't matter. Overall this really doesn't matter a lot as some people seem to worry when they see subscribers drop over controversy or saying what you veritably believe.

People always ask me "what will you do when WoW dies or when you can't live off YouTube and streaming? you can't put that on your CV". My answer to that simply is: Who cares. I'm not interested in being a robot, getting a mortgage and dieing in a chair watching emmerdale. I'll take everyday as it comes. My philosophy in its simplest form is "do I genuinely enjoy what I'm doing; is it fun?". There's no point in looking so far into the future and caring so much about first world problems... I could be dead tomorrow. O.K. that sounds a bit like #YOLO but what I meant was that most people have a lot more than what they really need 😛 Consumerism...

Too many people are always worried about the financial side, however most people start off with the impulse to create. You don't want to fall into the trap of always thinking about whether or not you'll make enough cheddar to pay for bills. Money is temporary. The only real thing is people, who cares about the samsung galaxy s4? My current phone gets the job done just fine. The most satisfaction I can get is connecting with other people with mutual interets, and simply discovering new perspectives and learning new things that interest me.

What I'm trying to say is you won't get anywhere by copying other people, don't be fake, be yourself and don't force anything out - DON'T CATER TO RATS!